im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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