Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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