I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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