we made out on top of his cat.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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