My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
