Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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