can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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