i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
