Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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