I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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