I can text with my tongue
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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