You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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