Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
