Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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