A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
