Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
