we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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