her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize