My Higher Power is John Stamos
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
