he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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