I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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