i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
