I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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