i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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