You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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