I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
