I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
