Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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