Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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