my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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