He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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