He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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