True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
