3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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