dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
