God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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