I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i now understand why vodka
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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