He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
