First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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