i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
