It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
