Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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