I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
