So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
