clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
