Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
