I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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