My room smells like vodka and shame
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
