No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
