Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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