i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
