he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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