so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
