good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So. Much. Porn.
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