isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
