Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
