hotel room ftw
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
