I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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