I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
