By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
