Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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