If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
