I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
