i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
