why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
