I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
