$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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