There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
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I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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