i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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