I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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