Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
